If Only In Her Mind
by beastboys secret
Summary: This is a story that is almost impossible to summarize without giving too much away. Basically, it's about life, love, and the boundaries of those two things only it's not as silly as that may sound.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans, unfortunately.

If only he had known.

That could have been the slogan for his life, Beast Boy mused as he stood silently staring out the window. He wasn't sure how many times that thought had slipped across his brain over the years. He had lost count a long time ago. However, he had never realized before just how useless that sentiment really was. What if, he had known? Would that have changed anything? Truthfully, he probably would have done the same things, made the same mistakes - convinced that he could somehow make it all work and oblivious to the fact that it was all but useless.

His thoughts made him uncomfortable because he was not a bitter person by nature, so he turned his attention away from the window and back to his friends. There were sitting along the long couch in Ops, enveloped in a veil of silence as their grief shown clearly on their faces. Starfire was the only one openly crying, her tears tracing glittering paths down her pretty face as she leaned her head on Robin's shoulder. He wasn't crying as he sat there, his arm about Starfire's shoulders, but Beast Boy could see how pale and pinched his friend's face looked.

Cyborg and Raven were sitting next to them. Cyborg was watching Robin and Starfire and appeared as if he wished to say something. Perhaps it was words of comfort for Starfire, but his mouth merely opened and shut without him managing a single syllable. Raven's attention was riveted to her lap, where she studied her hands as if noticing the appendages for the first time. Her mouth was also open and her bottom lip trembled continuously.

Beast Boy walked around the couch to stand behind him as the silence seemed as overwhelming as an endless, black void. He wanted someone to say or do something - anything to combat the silence. Perhaps it was up to him, but he felt he was helpless to do anything.

It was finally Starfire who answered his silent plea. "Where do people, uh," she began, "I mean, here, what do people believe happens when you...when someone..." Her voice trailed off, but her question was clear to the others.

"People believe different things," Robin answered quickly and diplomatically. Still, his usual voice was lacking in both strength and vitality.

"On my world," Starfire said, "there is a belief that those who were good in life will go to Karmaris. It is said that it is a beautiful city existing between the stars and stretching throughout the universe so that those who live there can see everything although they are invisible to the rest of us."

"Many people here believe something similar," Robin stated, "It's called Heaven."

"I used to believe in Heaven," Beast Boy said softly.

"Do you think our friend is there?" asked Starfire carefully.

"I'm sure he is," Cyborg answered her, his voice cracking slightly as he stood. Without saying another word, he started from the room and the others followed him one by one with the exception of Beast Boy. He didn't move out of their way as they stepped past and Starfire ever stepped directly through him.

After all, things like that didn't matter so much when you dead.

He stood there silently as they all left, leaving him alone in the massive room. So far, that seemed to be was death was truly all about - loneliness. He couldn't imagine what he had done in life that could have been so bad. Seeing his friends grieve for him but not being able to talk to them or touch them. He could only watch as a silent spectator. This was his hell.

He thought again about how this had began and the last few moments of his life.

AN: First, I rarely work on two stories at once, but I had to get this written because it's been in my head for so long. There are more sections to this and hopefully the story will not only be different, but interesting. Also, I guess it's obvious why I had such difficulty writing a good summary because I didn't want to immediately say that Beast Boy was supposedly dead. I am curious to know how many people figured that out early on in the story and how many were surprised. I appreciate all the wonderful reviews I've received on my other story and the next section (of 'Pushing Aside Desires') should be up tomorrow. After that, I'll try to update this story as well. Thanks for reading.


End file.
